imagine if… we all share
I tackle the modern life challenges of cognitive dissonance, conspiracy theories, and the limits we place on ourselves by passively accepting conventional thinking and worrying what others might think of us.
when did you last tell someone what you really think?
In this Autumn series of posts, I’m looking forward to sharing my experiences with you as I tackle the modern life challenges of cognitive dissonance, ‘conspiracy theories’ and the limits we place on ourselves by passively accepting conventional thinking and worrying what others might think of us.
My perceptions of the world have had a radical overhaul over the past 10 years as I’ve learned to get really curious and give myself permission to correlate the way I live, with the way I think and feel. It turns out that I’ve never felt happier, thought more clearly or had so much fun.
So where to begin? There are so many interesting things going on that aren’t given the time or depth of discussion via the traditional normal channels of broadcast or print communication. Finding trusted sources on the internet, in books and on social media is a real challenge, particularly when discoveries or exposés keep disrupting what we thought we understood about the media, films, science and propaganda.
The whole narrative around healthcare, climate change, government, education, religion, in fact, pretty much everything, is constantly distorted by political circuses and nefarious financial actors. That distortion plays a big part in damaging our sense of natural justice, our ability to recognise common sense and appreciate what’s good and true around us. Or to put it another way, knowledge is power. If we can reclaim the right to challenge what’s not working for us, we can act collectively to shape communities and ways of living that suit us.
It can be overwhelming at first to believe that there are forces who want to control and reduce a passive, incurious, centralised, population, but once you see the statistics, identify the actions and connect the dots, there really is no going back. Did I say this was fun? It’s okay, I’ll be telling you about the debt collector soon enough!
At this stage, you might want to stop reading. Am I going to say something that really upsets you or challenges your comforting thoughts about democracy, the social contract or tap water? (Probably.)
So pause for a moment to reflect on the fact that ‘conspiracy theories’ was devised by the CIA at the time of the Kennedy assassination to disparage curiosity, suppress critical thinking and encourage peer dismissal. Imagine a world where the CIA hadn’t dropped that pejorative phrase into our awareness and we truly considered all the options before us. It’s not ‘reaching’ to imagine that there would have been greater accountability within the US Administration and Secret Service in 1963, for a start.
Instead of shrugging our shoulders and muttering ‘what can I do? I am only one person’, ‘that’s just the way it is’, ‘politicians will always be corrupt’, we might realise that there are more than 8 billion human beings on this planet who have just as much right to shelter, food, clean water and connection as we do. It is absolutely possible to improve life for everybody, but not by keeping things the way they are right now.
I’ve always been a sharer, whether it’s ideas, knowledge or inspiration and now I want to share ideas from beyond the mainstream. I will be writing about some of these and you can also find links to articles and videos on my explorepage.
I speak to so many people who have never given a thought to, or even heard of, chemtrails (geo-engineering), toxicity (especially in our food and water), electro-magnetic frequency (EMF) issues, constitutional law and common law vs our perceived legal system and legislation, aliens (inter-dimensional beings) and the underbelly of the climate change narrative (geo-engineering).
These ideas might feel scary or crazy. Was it the bit about aliens or chemtrails that unsettled you? Let’s come back to earth and talk about freedom for a moment.
You might believe that we are free right now, but we are not. Like free range chickens, we might not notice the fence, but it is there all the same. We need permission to travel down roads, to marry someone you love, to travel abroad, to get healthcare, the list is endless. The increasing drive to create 15 minute (smart) cities globally will further restrict our freedom of movement and ensure that more of us live, work and play within sight of surveillance cameras, under the guise of keeping us safe. It does not have to be this way.
The next 12 months in particular will be significantly challenging for everyone. Our governments, systems and corporations are crumbling; we are already seeing the effects of this with 6 councils claiming bankruptcy and it will continue. It is not my intention to be the ‘prophet of doom’, but to be real. I know that on the other side of this testing time is a world where there will be true equality, freedom, creativity and community. It is difficult to imagine because we have never known it and yet, most of us would say yes to it. The madness and demands are ramping up daily and at some point we have to stand our ground and say no, especially to things that are going on around us - knowledge is power.
This is an invitation to share, get really curious, do your own research, learn and step into fear when it arises – it is true that ‘the only way out is through’. We have been conditioned and programmed to be a good citizen, to put others first, even when it comes to your own health choices, to avoid feeling pain, to be afraid and to acquiesce. We are all unique, creative, pure love in human form, so why would we ever want to blend in.
True community and connection is coming and that is what most of us crave. It starts with knowing who you are, what you want, speaking your truth, being brave and the rest will emerge. Whatever happens next, I know that the future is positive and there will be much more peace, love, equality and sharing on this planet - there really is enough to go round.
Much love
Pauline
boundaries & relationships
A podcast with Jen McKenna, CEO of MooBou about the challenges of setting boundaries in relationships. Listen on Spotify.
Boundaries, relationships and people pleasing with Pauline Buckley
A Moobou Fashion Unplugged podcast
Listen wherever you find your podcasts: Moobou Fashion Unplugged | Spotify | Apple
Show notes:
Fashion unplugged is back and this week we are talking about the very important topic of boundaries. We have a very special guest, Pauline, who can talk us through the relationships we hold with others, the notion of people pleasing and protecting ourselves with boundaries.
Pauline has had a career as a director in Human Resources for many years and 10 years ago changed her career into executive coaching. Then after the pandemic Pauline reevaluated this and decided to become a personal coach, helping many people to uncover what’s getting in the way, aligning who you truly are to live the life that you want to live.
We chat all about the fear attached to boundaries and how we overcome this so our relationships in our work and personal life can thrive. Pauline and Jen will be sharing their own experiences of how boundaries can be set, and delve into how we need to set boundaries in the changing rooms too! Questioning why we seek validation from others in what we wear and why we need to set these boundaries in order to feel truly positive and confident in ourselves.
imagine if… you’re 1000 days sober
It wasn’t that I stopped drinking, alcohol left me.
It wasn’t that I stopped drinking, alcohol left me. I’d been saying for ages that I wanted to look at my relationship with alcohol. I felt that I had associations with certain people or events that I believed wouldn’t be as fun if alcohol wasn’t involved and that didn’t sit well with me. I decided to experience life for 3 months without drinking alcohol.
At first it was strange, but it felt like a challenge. People do look at you with a question when you say you’re not drinking – you’re either an alcoholic (nope), pregnant (impossible) or maybe a bit boring (definitely not), although someone did say to me “you’re not as much fun when you’re not drinking”, to which I replied, “I think you’ll find you were laughing at me, not with me”.
I’d say I was pretty ‘normal’ in the drinking department. I’d have the odd drink during the week if I went out and a bottle of wine, or two at the weekend, depending on where I was going. I would drink more at parties, festivals or if I was with people who drank a lot, I would get pissed and suffer the next day. Going for a lovely meal would always mean a very nice bottle of wine too. Why wouldn’t you….?
So, for 3 months I went to gigs, meals, parties, and pubs and didn’t touch a drop. It wasn’t that difficult, and I learned a lot. I left parties when people started to repeat things and fall about. I couldn’t dance to music that I didn’t like. Sometimes I’d look at a cool glass of wine on the table next to me and think, “that looks lovely, I want one”. Then I caught the thought, questioned it and it was clear that I didn’t want to drink the contents, it was just a thought that I’d associated with having fun. I felt lighter energetically and had lots more energy physically.
“The most significant change I experienced is something that I cannot describe easily and you’d have to experience it to know for yourself.”
I’d been told by a bio resonance practitioner that my body was struggling with processing wine and grapes and my first response was (with a look of horror), “so are you saying I shouldn’t drink at all!!” With a wry smile she said, “well if you must, drink champagne and gin”, which cheered me up no end! I decided after my 3 months of sobriety that I wouldn’t drink wine, just gin and champagne. That went well and I was definitely drinking less, but then I went to an event that only had wine on offer. I drank it and felt like shit.
Over the next few weeks, I kept feeling that I wanted to feel the same as I did when I wasn’t drinking and if there’s one word that describes it, it’s CLEAR. Fuzziness fell away in all sorts of interesting ways.
The most significant change I experienced is something that I cannot describe easily and you’d have to experience it to know for yourself. It is clarity in so many areas of life and it’s easier to be real, and generally be so much more aware. I cannot do anything that I don’t want to do now, it’s that simple and it’s much more obvious what is working for me and what is not. I’m shedding what does not resonate with me.
I experience relationships differently and over time some old friends have left and new friends have appeared. There is depth, a high level of intimacy and clarity. It’s easier to say difficult things – in fact, it isn’t an option not to. Although the truth is hard to say sometimes, it lurks underneath anyway and with compassion and acceptance, it really is the only way.
I do more different things and explore. I have loads of fun and remember all of it.
I eat less, although probably a bit more chocolate, but that’s OK, it’s high quality! Crisps and nibbles are pretty much a thing of the past.
I’ve lost 1 stone in weight and my skin is clearer – am I imagining it, or have a few wrinkles disappeared??
I’m curiously finding new ways to help my body be the best it can be through food, drink, exercise, relaxation, and meditation. I feel fitter and stronger at 56 than I did at 36 and I look younger!
I experience life very differently and best of all, I love me for who I am, perfectly imperfect. I love spending time on my own and really cherish it. I’ve been single for a couple of years, and it’s been the most significant time of personal growth for me - emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. The limiting beliefs keep on falling away and I know that I can do anything I want. If you make space, new people and experiences come in…
I’ve never said I’ll never drink alcohol again; the days go by, and it just doesn’t happen. Why would I…?
Update - October 2023
It’s now been nearly 5 years since alcohol became less important and it is one of the most significant changes, that has made the biggest difference, to my experience of life. There’s more clarity, life gets even more interesting and the veils of illusion, that we all experience, keep on falling away.
I enjoy being with people at the beginning of the evening or at a party. Alcohol is a great loosener and people generally are excited to see each other. People say things that they wouldn’t normally and ask questions that, in sobriety, are often suppressed for fear of offending someone. Conversations are, therefore, much more interesting and a deeper, often invisible, part of someone is brought to the surface. People are more curious, open and dancing seems so much appealing. That’s the bit I really love. Then comes the point where the ‘spirit’ starts to leave, the eyes glaze over as if there’s nobody home and words are repeated – that’s when it’s definitely time for me to leave.
Another red flag is if I’m out and find myself wanting to drink alcohol, I know that it is time for me to go. I’ll hear things like, I’m bored, this conversation is full of drama, or it just doesn’t feel right. Whatever the reason, I know it’s out of alignment with who I am and so I leave.
As the craziness of this world keeps on coming to the surface for everyone to see, I know that the time is coming when we won’t need alcohol to dim our light, because that is what it does. We won’t need alcohol to open our hearts and speak our truth. We won’t need alcohol to be brave. We won’t need alcohol to dance like nobody is watching.
My words and articles are always an invitation, so ‘shine like the diamond you are’.
Much love
Pauline
sara’s coaching experience
sara’s coaching experience
Sara talks about her experience of executive coaching with Pauline. How it impacted her career and relationships and what she learned about herself
cain’s coaching experience
cain’s coaching experience
Cain is a Founder and the CEO of Red Badger and he shares his experience of coaching, both from the perspective of his role and also in his personal life.
james’ coaching experience
james’ coaching experience
kaylie’s coaching experience
kaylie’s coaching experience
Kaylie from Red Badger talks about her experience of executive coaching with Pauline, Founder, imagine if...
jon’s coaching experience
jon’s coaching experience
Jon Yardley, Technical Director at Red Badger talks about his experience of coaching with Pauline. Jon shares what he has learned about himself, the challenges and the changes that this has brought to his life, both in business and his personal life.
tash’s coaching experience
tash’s coaching experience
Tash talks about her experience of executive coaching, why she chose Pauline as her Coach and what she learned from that experience. Also, how her life has changed as a result.
helen’s coaching experience
helen’s coaching experience
Helen Fitzgerald, MD of Troy Business Services, talks about her experience of executive coaching - what she learned and how things have changed in her life.
rebecca’s coaching experience
rebecca’s coaching experience
imagine if… there’s no should
imagine if… there’s no should
Should is one of my favourite words. When you hear yourself, or someone else, saying ‘should’, it’s usually a belief that someone else told you that isn’t true and it is always an invitation to get curious. It can also be about fear of something that you don’t want to happen.
Things like, I ‘should’ go to the gym, but I’m too busy. So… question yourself, is it true that I should go to the gym? Do I really enjoy going to the gym or have I always believed that’s the only option for me to get fit? What would I really enjoy doing to look after my body? I’d love to do yoga or kickboxing instead, but there aren’t any classes near me. Is that really true - has it been a while since I looked around or have I ever looked?
When we believe things that are not true, we limit ourselves. Get curious, connect to your innate wisdom and live a life of unlimited possibilities.
And so the curiosity continues until you find the answer that gets to the heart of the ‘should’. It may well be that you’ve never liked going to the gym (and maybe criticised yourself for not going), so when you get curious about the ‘should’ and start to look around, there are lots of other things to experience that are more connected to who you truly are. Or maybe there’s an even deeper truth for you to uncover.
It could also be that the ‘should’ helps to perpetuate the vicious cycle of self criticism and not good enough. When you become aware of that and the thinking that is not true, you start to change the way you experience life.
When we believe things that are not true, we limit ourselves. Get curious, connect to your innate wisdom and live a life of unlimited possibilities. Rather than good or bad, right and wrong, knowing what does and doesn’t work for you, brings change and ease to your experience of life.
If you tell someone else that they ‘should’ be doing something, it can be highlighting a fear or a message for yourself that you don’t want to hear or look at. For example if you tell someone that they ‘should’ be eating more healthily… is that what you are really telling yourself?
Listen today for the ‘should’ (or shouldn’t) in your life and get curious about if it’s really true or what is the message for you, from you.
Pauline Buckley
October 2020
imagine if… you compared no more
imagine if… you compared no more
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
Theodore Roosevelt
We come into this world as a unique human being and for most of us, the comparison with others starts very early on. When my children were babies and I first started going to baby groups, I noticed just how much comparison there was. Often it was to try and feel better about the fact that your baby was keeping you up all night and then someone would say, “oh I’m so lucky mine sleeps right through”!
Your true nature is unique and therefore, cannot be compared to anything or anyone
Notice how much you compare yourself to others, it might be how clever someone is compared to you, how beautiful or ugly someone is compared to you, how good at their job someone is compared to you. Undoubtedly, you will always find someone who is perceived to be better or worse, but what does that really mean? Is it an opportunity to invite your critical voice, or is it an opportunity to feel better about yourself? What’s the point, as none of it is true!
Only the ego is interested in comparison as a form of measurement and trying to secure the self, which is actually impossible and creates suffering and anxiety. Your true nature is unique and therefore, cannot be compared to anything or anyone.
So, the key to this is catching the uneasy thought. Often you don’t even notice, as it can be deeply unconscious and yet now that you’ve read this blog, you will inevitably become aware of your inner critic. When you catch the thought, notice the feelings that go with that thought. Your feelings are a barometer, your guide and the more that you’re aware of these feelings, the closer you get to the truth of who you are. Really question the thought, how does it serve me to think this way, is it really true (often the answer is no)? It may be to keep you stuck in a job, or stuck in a relationship and ultimately stop you from stepping into a fear and bringing it into the light. Just like in the film ‘Gremlins’, when thoughts are brought into the light and seen for what they are, they shrivel up and die.
I used to think that so many things were not possible for me. It was only when I questioned these thoughts, I realised that I was limiting myself and it was nothing to do with the external focus of my thoughts.
Through awareness and questioning of your thoughts, the layers of misunderstanding start to fall away and you become clearer about who you really are and who you are not. Who doesn’t want to live an unlimited life?
Pauline Buckley
October 2020
imagine if… you have more time
imagine if… you have more time
How often do you hear yourself saying, “I would really love to do that, but I just don’t have time”. “I wish I had more time, but I’ve got so much to do.” “They don’t realise how much time this is taking to do.” “There just isn’t enough time in the day”… & yet we all have 24 hours in each day, so where does time go? In my experience of coaching, this is one of the most used reasons for not doing something and it’s always about something else.
My lovely Dad came to stay with me recently and I noticed how many times he said things like, “I’d love to visit Jim, but I don’t have enough time”, or “eee love (we are from Lancashire!) you haven’t got much time have you”, or “we’d better hurry up, there isn’t much time”. Being busy and getting things done in my family was very important and so I believed, there’s never enough time.
So, the next time you notice yourself saying, I haven’t got time, it’s an opportunity to stop, find quiet and stillness and ask yourself, ‘what’s the real question’?
The Dalai Lama said, “we are human beings, not human doings” and yet we often try to do as much as we possibly can in one day. In trying to fit so much in, the quality of the ‘doing’ and our relationships with others, can be affected and more importantly, the pressure we put on ourselves is felt in many different ways. Constantly ‘doing’ can also be a form of numbing and it certainly was one of mine. I would busy myself all day, unaware of the fact that it was a way of not feeling.
So, the next time you notice yourself saying, I haven’t got time, it’s an opportunity to stop, find quiet and stillness and ask yourself, ‘what’s the real question’? It might be; ‘do I want my boss to like me’, ‘do I find it hard to say no & if I did, would they not like me’; ‘do I put pressure on myself to compete or compare with others’; ‘am I wishing that my life was different’; ‘do I believe things about myself that are just not true’? The last question is the most interesting question of all.
If you believe that you are; the responsible one, the intelligent one, the successful one, the underachiever, the stupid one, the controller, the friendly one, the happy one, or the perfect one, none of that is true! How can you be those things all of the time? In questioning areas of your perceived identity that you believe, maybe because you were told often as a child or you took on that identity to feel safe, it is possible to reconnect with your true nature and explore what works for you in life and what doesn’t.
You’ll know when you get the feeling that something is off, or just doesn’t feel right for you and that is an invitation to ask, ‘is this thought really true’? It takes courage to bring the real question into the light and you will get an answer for you and only you. It may not always be well received by others in your life, ast it may mean that you stop trying to rescue or stop trying to get people to like you by doing everything for them. Undoubtedly, it will change the quality of life and through that, you will experience more joy and peace in your life. When we are true to who we are, we are more able to be of service to others and live a life unlimited.
Pauline Buckley
October 2020
imagine if… you see beauty everywhere
imagine if… you see beauty everywhere
Beauty is simple and nature never gets in wrong
I see beauty everywhere in nature, art, music, people, animals and things. Beauty is simple and nature never gets in wrong. I love the beauty of changing seasons and the colours that come and go. I hear beauty in words that are spoken from the heart. I see beauty in things that are created with love and connection to a person’s true nature. I hear it in listening to someone tell their story and open their heart – beauty is vulnerable.
I know that all people are beautiful and find it fascinating that when a person truly knows who they are, pure love, beauty emanates from them – they have an inner glow that’s like a magnet. I have known people who are obviously beautiful and yet when they are locked in an identity of low self-esteem and negative thinking, which is reflected in their behaviour, it changes the way they look and the confusion and lack of self-love is evident.
I can finally look at myself and really see my beauty. I have always been self-critical, wanting perfection (whatever that is!) and seeing the things that I don’t like so clearly. My thighs are too big, my hair too fine, never quite toned enough, teeth not straight/white enough – you get the picture. Now I know that I am not my body, I am so grateful for this beautiful vessel that carries me through life. I still catch myself sometimes noticing the wrinkles and wondering if only I’d looked after myself more, would I have them? As soon as I catch the narrative, it dissolves and another layer of misunderstanding about who I am falls away.
It’s wonderful to see that beauty at every age is being embraced and why not.
Beauty feels gorgeous, it can take your breath away. Every day I see the ocean and it’s ever changing colours. I stand at the window and say ‘wow’ to myself most days. Seeing the sun set on the mud, turning it into the most delicious inky indigo, makes my day. Beauty is full of grace and elegance and I see more and more of it around me.
It’s wonderful to see that beauty at every age is being embraced and why not. You can see the wisdom in a person’s face, you can see what kind of life they have lead. In presence, when you really look at someone and truly listen to them, a beautiful dance of connection happens between you.
More people are becoming aware of their masculine and feminine energy and this helps to connect to their inner beauty and true nature. For men, it is much more acceptable now to care for yourself and your skin. I see beauty in strong masculinity, power and vulnerability, someone who knows who they are and not afraid to show how they feel.
We often focus on the outside world and it has been considered vain to consider our appearance too much. There can be high expectations and preconceived ideas about what beauty really is and that is even more challenging today with photoshopped images and a consistently unachievable ideal of ‘perfection’. This gets in the way of seeing the beauty that we truly are.
I would like to help young people to know that ‘outside in’ beauty does not serve them. To be aware of what they think is beautiful, the importance of self-love, their innate wisdom and how that will support them in life. Be the unique expression of love that you are.
Rituals are an important part of a person’s day – it’s a time to practice self-love and presence. It’s a time for stillness and conscious awareness, hearing what comes up, what’s important. At the start of the day, it’s a time to awaken, think about the day ahead and have clarity. In the evening, it’s a wonderful way to wind down and prepare for sleep, reflect on what you’ve learned in the day and be grateful for your experience of life.
The best way to keep in touch with our own beauty is to look deeply into your soul and open your eyes to the beautiful being you see in the mirror every day.
Pauline Buckley
October 2020