a debt collector came to my door

and I remembered how powerful I am.

I heard a loud, insistent knock on the front door.  I had been waiting for this moment and thought that I was prepared, knowing what to say and what not to say.  What I wasn’t prepared for was how scared I felt.

A bit of background information.  For more than 40 years, I had paid all my bills on time, never been in debt (apart from a mortgage) and generally been a ‘good citizen’. Covid, lockdown and research blew it all away as if those bills were nothing but a pack of cards.

I had often thought that there’s a lot of smoke and mirrors, inequality and unfairness in this world, but I had never taken the time to investigate what that might mean. The whole covid narrative meanwhile struck me as really disturbing - it was not right to coerce people about their health and medical choices.  When I decided not to take the vaccine, I encountered so much prejudice and challenge (I was called a dissenter, which I rather liked), I was driven to research the things that I previously thought I didn’t have time to deeply question.

I met a lot of new people at Stand in the Park and found common ground with a small group of like-minded and inquisitive people.  I learned about Common Law, Maritime Law and Constitutional Law. My mind was blown; almost everything that I knew about the world and how it operates was turned on its head.  I decided it was time to challenge some of these nefarious organisations and one of them was the City Council. 

I learned how to question the Council’s claim on me and, in particular, my legal fiction or strawman (a false identity given to everyone at birth). I wrote to let them know that I would be withholding payments until they answered my questions.  After 18 months they still have not fully answered my questions – because they can’t.

You see, all councils are corporations and they communicate with you as a corporation (your legal fiction or straw man)1.  A contract can only exist between corporations, not natural men and women.  They are limited companies, registered at Companies House and Dun & Bradstreet, with sales and profits.  They do not have an agreement with any of us to pay Council Tax and there is so much disinformation and deception around where our money actually goes, that it would take a lifetime to investigate.  Councils are supposed to be about providing a service, but they don’t deliver on so many things and all the while, we are told we have to keep on paying our council tax. 

While I was withholding payment until they answered my questions, the Council unlawfully breached GDPR rules and passed on my details to a debt collection company, misrepresenting itself as a ‘bailff’. There is an important distinction between the two - although both can visit you at home, a debt collector doesn't have any special legal powers to collect a debt, whereas a registered bailiff does. The council had engaged this company to come to my door and lie about the powers that they (the debt collection company) have in order to scare me into settling my alleged debt.

The reason councils don’t take people to a real court is that they know that their bills and practices are unlawful and they don’t have a claim to make. Instead they rent rooms in the magistrates court to hold fake courts, which they discourage you from attending.  You really couldn’t make this stuff up (& I’m not)!

So, back to the debt collector.  I had just got out of the bath and was in my dressing gown when I heard a loud knocking on my door.  I immediately thought something was wrong, and later learned that this is something they do purposefully, to put you into an immediate state of fear.  I went to the door and saw the outline of what I thought was a policeman.  As soon as I opened the door, I knew it was a debt collector.

He tried to contract with me by asking my name and told me the reason he was there was my debt with the council. He tried to get me to agree to pay him – I would not.  He then asked if that was my car outside and said that he was going to take it if I didn’t pay.  This is something he did not have the authority or power to do.  He was trying everything he could to scare me into submission. 

My heart was racing as he started pacing around my car and taking photos.  I ran to get dressed and then saw him reverse his car behind mine so I couldn’t get out – or so he thought.  I grabbed my keys and jumped in my car, whilst he was shouting that he would follow me.  Good luck with that I thought.  I was now on a mission and there was no way this man in a pretend police uniform was going to bully me.  I reversed right up to his car, did a magnificent three-point turn and zoomed away down the road.  I looked in the rear-view mirror as he watched me drive away. 

My phone rang and I ignored it.  He left a message on my voicemail – how on earth did he have my number?  It seems the council had passed on all of my details to this overreaching company.

I rang a friend to ask if I could park my car on their drive for a few days.  It was time to write another letter challenging the Council to justify their actions.  What was meant to deter me had only made me stronger and even more tenacious in my desire for the truth, equality and fairness.  So far… all is quiet.

We are all bullied in some way by government, agencies, religion, education, health institutions and by our friends and family who want us to agree with them so we don’t rock the boat.  This is a time to be truly sovereign, standing in your own authority and knowing what is right for you and what is not. Council tax is definitely in the category of ‘things we moan about’, but don’t take action as we are conditioned to believe that we just have to accept it.  Not true.  If you bought something from a shop and it didn’t work properly, you would take it back and get a refund.  Why do we pay for something that does not deliver for us?

My local council distributed a leaflet stating that only 12% of the council tax that we pay goes to the local council.  It didn’t say where the remaining 88% went.  It’s all smoke and mirrors and very difficult to know exactly where our money goes - and that’s all by arrangement.  We are too busy, stressed, or too confused and it's a low priority, so most people don’t take action.  We are also too scared to say no to perceived authority.  When I told someone that I was withholding payment, they said that they would visit me in prison!

The obvious reason that I brought this experience towards me was to challenge a nefarious organisation, the subliminal (and most significant) reason was for me to purify my unconscious fear of being oppressed by a man.  The only way out is through and this experience has made me stronger and clearer about who I am and why I am here.  This is true liberation and peace.

The only person who voraciously has your best interests at heart is you, so listen to your beautiful heart and stand in your own truth.  It isn’t easy in this world right now, yet I know that the future is positive and well worth the fear and challenges we must all face. As we continue to say no to what is wrong on this planet, we raise the frequency and anything that is not aligned with love and nature will crumble.  The crumbling will be uncomfortable and yet, it will invite the true human spirit to rise, re-connect and take action.

Much love

Pauline

1 Does the thought of not paying a bill fill you with dread?

If the fear or shame of a debt collection notice is holding you back from exploring the illusion of corporate credibility, maybe this is a moment for you to challenge yourself.

The following video explain the Strawman fallacy.

imagine if… you’re 1000 days sober

It wasn’t that I stopped drinking, alcohol left me.

It wasn’t that I stopped drinking, alcohol left me.  I’d been saying for ages that I wanted to look at my relationship with alcohol.  I felt that I had associations with certain people or events that I believed wouldn’t be as fun if alcohol wasn’t involved and that didn’t sit well with me.  I decided to experience life for 3 months without drinking alcohol.

At first it was strange, but it felt like a challenge.  People do look at you with a question when you say you’re not drinking – you’re either an alcoholic (nope), pregnant (impossible) or maybe a bit boring (definitely not), although someone did say to me “you’re not as much fun when you’re not drinking”, to which I replied, “I think you’ll find you were laughing at me, not with me”. 

I’d say I was pretty ‘normal’ in the drinking department.  I’d have the odd drink during the week if I went out and a bottle of wine, or two at the weekend, depending on where I was going.  I would drink more at parties, festivals or if I was with people who drank a lot, I would get pissed and suffer the next day.  Going for a lovely meal would always mean a very nice bottle of wine too.  Why wouldn’t you….?

So, for 3 months I went to gigs, meals, parties, and pubs and didn’t touch a drop.  It wasn’t that difficult, and I learned a lot. I left parties when people started to repeat things and fall about.  I couldn’t dance to music that I didn’t like.  Sometimes I’d look at a cool glass of wine on the table next to me and think, “that looks lovely, I want one”.  Then I caught the thought, questioned it and it was clear that I didn’t want to drink the contents, it was just a thought that I’d associated with having fun.     I felt lighter energetically and had lots more energy physically.

“The most significant change I experienced is something that I cannot describe easily and you’d have to experience it to know for yourself.”

I’d been told by a bio resonance practitioner that my body was struggling with processing wine and grapes and my first response was (with a look of horror), “so are you saying I shouldn’t drink at all!!”  With a wry smile she said, “well if you must, drink champagne and gin”, which cheered me up no end!  I decided after my 3 months of sobriety that I wouldn’t drink wine, just gin and champagne.  That went well and I was definitely drinking less, but then I went to an event that only had wine on offer.  I drank it and felt like shit.

Over the next few weeks, I kept feeling that I wanted to feel the same as I did when I wasn’t drinking and if there’s one word that describes it, it’s CLEAR.  Fuzziness fell away in all sorts of interesting ways. 

The most significant change I experienced is something that I cannot describe easily and you’d have to experience it to know for yourself.  It is clarity in so many areas of life and it’s easier to be real, and generally be so much more aware.  I cannot do anything that I don’t want to do now, it’s that simple and it’s much more obvious what is working for me and what is not.  I’m shedding what does not resonate with me.

I experience relationships differently and over time some old friends have left and new friends have appeared.  There is depth, a high level of intimacy and clarity.  It’s easier to say difficult things – in fact, it isn’t an option not to.  Although the truth is hard to say sometimes, it lurks underneath anyway and with compassion and acceptance, it really is the only way. 

I do more different things and explore.  I have loads of fun and remember all of it.

I eat less, although probably a bit more chocolate, but that’s OK, it’s high quality!  Crisps and nibbles are pretty much a thing of the past. 

I’ve lost 1 stone in weight and my skin is clearer – am I imagining it, or have a few wrinkles disappeared??

I’m curiously finding new ways to help my body be the best it can be through food, drink, exercise, relaxation, and meditation.  I feel fitter and stronger at 56 than I did at 36 and I look younger!

I experience life very differently and best of all, I love me for who I am, perfectly imperfect.  I love spending time on my own and really cherish it.  I’ve been single for a couple of years, and it’s been the most significant time of personal growth for me - emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.  The limiting beliefs keep on falling away and I know that I can do anything I want.  If you make space, new people and experiences come in…

I’ve never said I’ll never drink alcohol again; the days go by, and it just doesn’t happen. Why would I…?

Update - October 2023

It’s now been nearly 5 years since alcohol became less important and it is one of the most significant changes, that has made the biggest difference, to my experience of life.  There’s more clarity, life gets even more interesting and the veils of illusion, that we all experience, keep on falling away.

I enjoy being with people at the beginning of the evening or at a party. Alcohol is a great loosener and people generally are excited to see each other. People say things that they wouldn’t normally and ask questions that, in sobriety, are often suppressed for fear of offending someone.  Conversations are, therefore, much more interesting and a deeper, often invisible, part of someone is brought to the surface. People are more curious, open and dancing seems so much appealing.  That’s the bit I really love. Then comes the point where the ‘spirit’ starts to leave, the eyes glaze over as if there’s nobody home and words are repeated – that’s when it’s definitely time for me to leave.

Another red flag is if I’m out and find myself wanting to drink alcohol, I know that it is time for me to go. I’ll hear things like, I’m bored, this conversation is full of drama, or it just doesn’t feel right. Whatever the reason, I know it’s out of alignment with who I am and so I leave.

As the craziness of this world keeps on coming to the surface for everyone to see, I know that the time is coming when we won’t need alcohol to dim our light, because that is what it does.  We won’t need alcohol to open our hearts and speak our truth.  We won’t need alcohol to be brave.  We won’t need alcohol to dance like nobody is watching. 

My words and articles are always an invitation, so ‘shine like the diamond you are’. 

Much love

Pauline

imagine if… there’s no should

imagine if… there’s no should

Should is one of my favourite words.  When you hear yourself, or someone else, saying ‘should’, it’s usually a belief that someone else told you that isn’t true and it is always an invitation to get curious. It can also be about fear of something that you don’t want to happen.

Things like, I ‘should’ go to the gym, but I’m too busy.  So… question yourself, is it true that I should go to the gym?  Do I really enjoy going to the gym or have I always believed that’s the only option for me to get fit? What would I really enjoy doing to look after my body? I’d love to do yoga or kickboxing instead, but there aren’t any classes near me.  Is that really true - has it been a while since I looked around or have I ever looked?

When we believe things that are not true, we limit ourselves. Get curious, connect to your innate wisdom and live a life of unlimited possibilities.

And so the curiosity continues until you find the answer that gets to the heart of the ‘should’.  It may well be that you’ve never liked going to the gym (and maybe criticised yourself for not going), so when you get curious about the ‘should’ and start to look around, there are lots of other things to experience that are more connected to who you truly are.  Or maybe there’s an even deeper truth for you to uncover. 

It could also be that the ‘should’ helps to perpetuate the vicious cycle of self criticism and not good enough.  When you become aware of that and the thinking that is not true, you start to change the way you experience life.

When we believe things that are not true, we limit ourselves.  Get curious, connect to your innate wisdom and live a life of unlimited possibilities.  Rather than good or bad, right and wrong, knowing what does and doesn’t work for you, brings change and ease to your experience of life.

If you tell someone else that they ‘should’ be doing something, it can be highlighting a fear or a message for yourself that you don’t want to hear or look at. For example if you tell someone that they ‘should’ be eating more healthily… is that what you are really telling yourself?

Listen today for the ‘should’ (or shouldn’t) in your life and get curious about if it’s really true or what is the message for you, from you.

Pauline Buckley

October 2020

imagine if… you compared no more

imagine if… you compared no more

“Comparison is the thief of joy”
Theodore Roosevelt 

We come into this world as a unique human being and for most of us, the comparison with others starts very early on.  When my children were babies and I first started going to baby groups, I noticed just how much comparison there was.  Often it was to try and feel better about the fact that your baby was keeping you up all night and then someone would say, “oh I’m so lucky mine sleeps right through”!

Your true nature is unique and therefore, cannot be compared to anything or anyone

Notice how much you compare yourself to others, it might be how clever someone is compared to you, how beautiful or ugly someone is compared to you, how good at their job someone is compared to you.  Undoubtedly, you will always find someone who is perceived to be better or worse, but what does that really mean?  Is it an opportunity to invite your critical voice, or is it an opportunity to feel better about yourself?   What’s the point, as none of it is true!

Only the ego is interested in comparison as a form of measurement and trying to secure the self, which is actually impossible and creates suffering and anxiety.  Your true nature is unique and therefore, cannot be compared to anything or anyone.

So, the key to this is catching the uneasy thought.  Often you don’t even notice, as it can be deeply unconscious and yet now that you’ve read this blog, you will inevitably become aware of your inner critic.  When you catch the thought, notice the feelings that go with that thought.  Your feelings are a barometer, your guide and the more that you’re aware of these feelings, the closer you get to the truth of who you are.  Really question the thought, how does it serve me to think this way, is it really true (often the answer is no)?  It may be to keep you stuck in a job, or stuck in a relationship and ultimately stop you from stepping into a fear and bringing it into the light.  Just like in the film ‘Gremlins’, when thoughts are brought into the light and seen for what they are, they shrivel up and die.

I used to think that so many things were not possible for me.  It was only when I questioned these thoughts, I realised that I was limiting myself and it was nothing to do with the external focus of my thoughts. 

Through awareness and questioning of your thoughts,  the layers of misunderstanding start to fall away and you become clearer about who you really are and who you are not. Who doesn’t want to live an unlimited life?

Pauline Buckley

October 2020

imagine if… you have more time

imagine if… you have more time

How often do you hear yourself saying, “I would really love to do that, but I just don’t have time”.  “I wish I had more time, but I’ve got so much to do.”  “They don’t realise how much time this is taking to do.”  “There just isn’t enough time in the day”… & yet we all have 24 hours in each day, so where does time go?  In my experience of coaching, this is one of the most used reasons for not doing something and it’s always about something else.  

My lovely Dad came to stay with me recently and I noticed how many times he said things like, “I’d love to visit Jim, but I don’t have enough time”, or “eee love (we are from Lancashire!) you haven’t got much time have you”, or “we’d better hurry up, there isn’t much time”.  Being busy and getting things done in my family was very important and so I believed, there’s never enough time. 

So, the next time you notice yourself saying, I haven’t got time, it’s an opportunity to stop, find quiet and stillness and ask yourself, ‘what’s the real question’?

The Dalai Lama said, “we are human beings, not human doings” and yet we often try to do as much as we possibly can in one day.  In trying to fit so much in, the quality of the ‘doing’ and our relationships with others, can be affected and more importantly, the pressure we put on ourselves is felt in many different ways. Constantly ‘doing’ can also be a form of numbing and it certainly was one of mine.  I would busy myself all day, unaware of the fact that it was a way of not feeling.

So, the next time you notice yourself saying, I haven’t got time, it’s an opportunity to stop, find quiet and stillness and ask yourself, ‘what’s the real question’?  It might be; ‘do I want my boss to like me’, ‘do I find it hard to say no & if I did, would they not like me’; ‘do I put pressure on myself to compete or compare with others’; ‘am I wishing that my life was different’; ‘do I believe things about myself that are just not true’?  The last question is the most interesting question of all. 

If you believe that you are; the responsible one, the intelligent one, the successful one, the underachiever, the stupid one, the controller, the friendly one, the happy one, or the perfect one, none of that is true! How can you be those things all of the time? In questioning areas of your perceived identity that you believe, maybe because you were told often as a child or you took on that identity to feel safe, it is possible to reconnect with your true nature and explore what works for you in life and what doesn’t. 

You’ll know when you get the feeling that something is off, or just doesn’t feel right for you and that is an invitation to ask, ‘is this thought really true’?  It takes courage to bring the real question into the light and you will get an answer for you and only you.  It may not always be well received by others in your life, ast it may mean that you stop trying to rescue or stop trying to get people to like you by doing everything for them.  Undoubtedly, it will change the quality of life and through that, you will experience more joy and peace in your life.  When we are true to who we are, we are more able to be of service to others and live a life unlimited.

Pauline Buckley

October 2020

imagine if… you see beauty everywhere

imagine if… you see beauty everywhere

Beauty is simple and nature never gets in wrong

I see beauty everywhere in nature, art, music, people, animals and things.  Beauty is simple and nature never gets in wrong.  I love the beauty of changing seasons and the colours that come and go.  I hear beauty in words that are spoken from the heart.  I see beauty in things that are created with love and connection to a person’s true nature.  I hear it in listening to someone tell their story and open their heart – beauty is vulnerable. 

I know that all people are beautiful and find it fascinating that when a person truly knows who they are, pure love, beauty emanates from them – they have an inner glow that’s like a magnet.  I have known people who are obviously beautiful and yet when they are locked in an identity of low self-esteem and negative thinking, which is reflected in their behaviour, it changes the way they look and the confusion and lack of self-love is evident.

I can finally look at myself and really see my beauty.  I have always been self-critical, wanting perfection (whatever that is!) and seeing the things that I don’t like so clearly.  My thighs are too big, my hair too fine, never quite toned enough, teeth not straight/white enough – you get the picture.  Now I know that I am not my body, I am so grateful for this beautiful vessel that carries me through life.  I still catch myself sometimes noticing the wrinkles and wondering if only I’d looked after myself more, would I have them?  As soon as I catch the narrative, it dissolves and another layer of misunderstanding about who I am falls away.  

It’s wonderful to see that beauty at every age is being embraced and why not.

Beauty feels gorgeous, it can take your breath away.  Every day I see the ocean and it’s ever changing colours.  I stand at the window and say ‘wow’ to myself most days.  Seeing the sun set on the mud, turning it into the most delicious inky indigo, makes my day.  Beauty is full of grace and elegance and I see more and more of it around me.

It’s wonderful to see that beauty at every age is being embraced and why not.  You can see the wisdom in a person’s face, you can see what kind of life they have lead.  In presence, when you really look at someone and truly listen to them, a beautiful dance of connection happens between you.

More people are becoming aware of their masculine and feminine energy and this helps to connect to their inner beauty and true nature.  For men, it is much more acceptable now to care for yourself and your skin.  I see beauty in strong masculinity, power and vulnerability, someone who knows who they are and not afraid to show how they feel. 

We often focus on the outside world and it has been considered vain to consider our appearance too much.  There can be high expectations and preconceived ideas about what beauty really is and that is even more challenging today with photoshopped images and a consistently unachievable ideal of ‘perfection’.  This gets in the way of seeing the beauty that we truly are.

I would like to help young people to know that ‘outside in’ beauty does not serve them.  To be aware of what they think is beautiful, the importance of self-love, their innate wisdom and how that will support them in life.  Be the unique expression of love that you are. 

Rituals are an important part of a person’s day – it’s a time to practice self-love and presence.  It’s a time for stillness and conscious awareness, hearing what comes up, what’s important.  At the start of the day, it’s a time to awaken, think about the day ahead and have clarity.  In the evening, it’s a wonderful way to wind down and prepare for sleep, reflect on what you’ve learned in the day and be grateful for your experience of life. 

The best way to keep in touch with our own beauty is to look deeply into your soul and open your eyes to the beautiful being you see in the mirror every day.

Pauline Buckley

October 2020